Review of Gone Home

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to aimlessly wander through someone's home and go through their personal belongings? Have you ever wanted to shamelessly read your little sister's diary to uncover all her secrets? Have you ever wanted to play a game so mind numbingly boring that (if you're anything like me) will make you fall asleep twice before you complete the one or two hours of gameplay required to complete it without the internet? If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions Gone Home is the game for you. Also, you should probably seek professional help.

I'll admit, when I first heard that Gone Home was coming to the PS4 as a free game with PS+ I was really excited. Here is this critically acclaimed indie game with wonderful raves and reviews and I was going to play it, for FREE! That being said, the price of my time was too high in my opinion. Don't listen to the hype; this game committed the worst sin a game can, being boring.

Gone Home is an exploration game, and in the fashion of such is in first person view. You start out at the doorway of your family home, just back from a trip to Europe. Your family was aware that you were coming back, but the door is locked. Upon finding the key and opening said door the house is empty. Time to play Nancy Drew, if Nancy Drew were a mute college girl in the 90's with a club foot and not enough sense to call in a missing persons report on her minor sister and parents who have gone suspiciously missing without turning off the lights and televisions.

I'll start out with the best qualities this game had. The story, which you uncover in bits and pieces throughout the game by picking up your sister's belongings, is a surprisingly touching coming of age tale... which you only play a minor role in despite being the player character. You slowly uncover why the house is empty by picking up notes and occasionally a voice over. Had there been just... MORE of it maybe the game wouldn't have been so terrible. The ending did made me tear up a little, I'll admit it, but I'm the kind of person who cries at especially sentimental Hallmark card commercials. The scenery is well done and the house that you're wandering through looks lived in. There are plenty of little things to pick up and move, however only a bare fraction of these things are actually relevant to the game. One can only pick up so many useless pencils, highlighters, coffee cups, or bottles before the novelty wears off.

Now for the rest of it. The entire game made me feel like a stoner at a stop sign, I kept waiting for something to change so I could move forward and nothing ever did. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. The first few things you find hint to some possible ghost activity, and honestly with the atmosphere being the way it was I totally expected it. No such luck, ghosts are interesting and Gone Home doesn't hold court with the idea of interesting.

Missed opportunity Gone Home.

You never see anyone, you barely even see yourself with the exception of some photos you find around the house. Your character moves so incredibly slowly that she would lose a footrace with a toddler, and there is no run option. You just lazily stroll through this house with no sense of alacrity, randomly picking up books and cassette tapes trying to figure out where your family is. When things start to finally move along and you open up the second half of the house you find it to be much the same as the first; uninhabited, quite, messy, and boring.

Apparently you can complete the entire game in under a minute, which is honestly about how long it took me to be utterly unimpressed with the whole situation. Occasionally you can break the tedium by playing cassettes in various radios or recorders around the house, but honestly all that gives you is some mediocre punk type music. The best part of this game was absolutely the story, it was an excellent narrative shrouded in a terrible game. Unless you want to play "Walking: The Game" please give this one a pass, oh constant reader.

If you're the kind of person who just skips straight to the end of a review for the final verdict, here it is. Don't buy it. Don't rent it. Don't waste valuable time that could be spent getting a root canal or expressing your dog's anal glands. Despite the high ratings and good reviews I read regarding this game I would never recommend it to anyone I cared about for fear they may hang themselves out of boredom.